This is the lowest I have been for a LONG time. And, it usually lasts 2 days and is over with - the break-thru comes. Not this time. Today is day 4. Things that don't seem to bother me much when I'm well, all konglomerate and pile up when I am low. All those things that didn't seem important enough to talk through when I was 'up' are now the things that are keeping me 'down'. Interesting, eh?!
You'd think I'd learn from this experience to talk through and deal with the things of life, no matter how small they seem, when they take place. That way, my lows won't be filled with things I haven't deal with.
Maybe I need to write more when I am well instead of only writing and seeking help when I am in the gutter.
My Crap List is long. Most are things that I think others will think is stupid to have on my list. One of those is how much I hate that I am so ugly. I have some kind of skin condition that gives me a weird kind of pimples and red blotches all over my face. On top of that, my psoriosis is beginning to act up again - which I know is contibuting to the mess on my face. I hate looking in the mirror. There are things that I am supposed to be doing that I'm not because my ugly face is holding me back. I wouldn't even care about being overweight if I was just able to leave the house without makeup on. I live in makeup bondage.
Writing about it is just making me more depressed. I'm going to go have a piece of cheese... ;)
You'd think I'd learn from this experience to talk through and deal with the things of life, no matter how small they seem, when they take place. That way, my lows won't be filled with things I haven't deal with.
Maybe I need to write more when I am well instead of only writing and seeking help when I am in the gutter.
My Crap List is long. Most are things that I think others will think is stupid to have on my list. One of those is how much I hate that I am so ugly. I have some kind of skin condition that gives me a weird kind of pimples and red blotches all over my face. On top of that, my psoriosis is beginning to act up again - which I know is contibuting to the mess on my face. I hate looking in the mirror. There are things that I am supposed to be doing that I'm not because my ugly face is holding me back. I wouldn't even care about being overweight if I was just able to leave the house without makeup on. I live in makeup bondage.
Writing about it is just making me more depressed. I'm going to go have a piece of cheese... ;)
10 comments:
oh my!!!
You are a beautiful person. Physically and emotionally.
You are NOT ugly!!! You need to find a way to understand that. To truly grasp that you were created in God's image and you are beautiful.
Oh Paula, I know this will sound trite, but this time of year does contribute to feeling down. To those that are susceptible it can be a tough time of the year.
In just a couple of weeks the weather will change, the sun will shine and you will feel so much better. I wish I could be there to give you a hug and a bit of a shake. You need to learn to treat yourself better. Look in the mirror and see what we see. A vibrant beautiful creature!
I know that this feels huge to you right now but think of it this way. How would you react if someone told you that your son or daughter were overweight or ugly. Would you be upset? Would you stand up and tell them they are wrong!!!. Well God is telling you you are wrong. You are beautiful!!!
Wish I was closer { } These are my arms reaching to hug you. :)
I hope what I am trying to say makes some kind of sense to you.
In addition. Be assured that I don't mean to belittle your feelings at all. I hope my comments didn't come across that way.
Joanne
Hello Again, It's Jean H. from NHCC.Never thought you were not pretty. Gotta get over that,Paula.Speaking of the P. thingy, my first husband had it really bad and two of my three sons have it also. Sure wish we could sit and discuss these "highs' and " "lows" you are experiencing. Been there, done that. Not fun.lol
(I think sometime "LOL" is meant to mean "Lots Of Love", rather than the more common "Laugh Out Loud")
Hang in there. Praying.
Yeah, Lauralea, for me, it's meant to mean lots of love. Thanks for enlightening people. Jean H.
Yeah, thanks Lauralea, for enlightening some of the people of the meaning of the words "lots of love" it is. jean H.
Thanks for your comments, friends. They are appreciated.
As are you! (appreciated that is)
Dear Paula,
Just want you to know that I am thinking of you and praying for you. May God lift you up and strengthen you. May you rest in His love and mercies daily. Take care and God bless you!
With love in Christ and prayers,
Nancie
Nancie - thanks for the prayers! I enjoy hearing form you. Take care.
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